Grand Finale

In the words of Porky Pig, "That's all folks!" 

When I sat down to write this, my final post, I intended to write about how we’ve come to the end of our journey now that pilot training is complete. But as I thought about it, I realized that really, our journey is just beginning, and in many ways, it’s never-ending. Pilot training is over (well, almost, as C is completing his follow-on training right now), but it is the beginning of his career as an Air Force pilot and the start of our new identity as a military family. We will go through trainings, deployments, TDYs, leave…countless experiences. But before we face these things we have the gift of knowledge that this year has awarded us. We have built timeless friendships, made special memories, conquered fears and obstacles, and most importantly, learned our strength as a family.

Over a year ago, I started writing about our journey. I wanted to be able to update our friends and family on our progress here, but I also wanted to create a resource. It’s easy to find information on the pilot training experience from the student perspective, but not so easy to get a feel for what the families will go through. I hope now that I have created something that will be useful for the many more families who will come behind us. In closing, I have asked some of my fellow spouses, what is one piece of advice that they would give to incoming UPT families. Here’s what they had to say:

Enjoy it. You may be far away from home, family, friends, and your life in general, but enjoy it. Some days it feels like it will never end. Some days you will barely get a kiss from your husband, and most likely his eyes will be open - looking at his Dash 1. But it goes by fast. And it is likely one of the only times everyone around you will be going through the same thing. You'll make friends fast, easy, and for forever as long as you are open to it - so be open to it. Support your spouse through this, but make sure he supports you too. Make the best of it, and it will be a fantastic time. – MQR

It's an intense time, but there are lots of perks to pilot training which can be extremely beneficial if you're open to them: a helpful & encouraging group of other spouses who embrace you quickly, some small town perks and the benefit of having your husband at home with you almost every night. It really can be a fun adventure and there is so much support readily available. Make the most of every program or volunteer opportunity that you can. It does go by faster with each phase. Most of all, support your man! He needs it so much and even though you're far from home, friends and commodities, it's a great time for you to develop your marriage and focus on the few things that really matter. – MER

Live in the moment. It’s easy to measure time by when he gets home, or after the 15-day program, or during phase 3, but in the meantime, you lose so many important moments. Get involved. Make friends. Do something you love. Be independent. This is such a unique time in your life, and his, and you will never experience it again. Make the most of it. – JS

It is a crazy, stressful, and awesome time! It will be the fastest and slowest year of your life. Some days and nights go by slowly waiting for your husband to come home, but the whole year really does go by fast. And it's easy to become overwhelmed and feel like you're going through it alone so make sure you reach out to all the people around you. Your husband will be so busy, but the base has so many great people to help and guide you through your time here and the other spouses are an invaluable resource. No one will understand what you're going through more than the other spouses so make sure you get involved and make friends. I have met the most friendly and welcoming people here and made some of the best friends I'll ever have. And don't forget to make time for date nights and time to spend just with your husband. Many training bases don’t have a lot to do, but try and find fun activities around base or in the city and carve out time for some fun. He will be stressed out during the work week and spending time together is a great way to relieve stress and maintain a great marriage. He'll need all the help and support he can get from you during this year but I promise it will all be worth it in the end when he gets those wings. – JN

It is the only time that you can not be embarrassed when you need to answer your front door at 3pm and you’re still in or PJs! All the spouses understand that perfectly! – AC

Embrace the area.....it is probably in the middle of nowhere, but especially if you have children there is always something to do. Most events are free or very affordable...check out local websites for events. The OSC is amazing and not like many other bases!! You will truly feel at home if you let yourself! Take the opportunities to join everything!! The best way to make friends is to live on base and go to everything you’re invited to!! But always support your husband/spouse during pilot training. Even for the smartest person this will be a trying year considering all the guys submitted to UPT are the best of the best. Enjoy the time you do have with your spouse because when you get out into the real world of pilots there are long hours, many deployments and TDYs. – KJF

Remember why you’re at pilot training. Like it or not, you are there to support your spouse’s dreams and career. Even when it’s tough, remember that while you can’t help their career, you can certainly hurt it. They just need your unconditional support, no matter what. Even if you’re not in your dream location, or don’t get your dream assignment, remember what it’s all about – helping your spouse to become an Air Force pilot. Also, even if you don’t feel comfortable at spouse events, it’s still good to go because you never know what great friendships you might miss out on! – ET

Even though pilot training is very rigorous, it is the most time you will spend with your spouse in the coming years. After pilot training, there will be many TDYs and deployments to cope with, so enjoy a simple life in a small town. Attend everything that you can! And be a good friend to those you meet. For most spouses, this is a first assignment away from family. The friends you make at pilot training are often lifelong friends and will be there for you through thick and thin. Enjoy spending time with them and making great memories. Don't burn any bridges because, while you cannot help your husband's career, you can definitely hurt it. Getting to know the permanent spouses at the base through OSC is a great opportunity and they are very fun people! Pilot training is a great foundation for your military career going forward! - TG

No Room at the Inn

The day has finally come. As I write, C is sitting next to me studying for his LAST, FINAL, ULTIMATE checkride in UPT.

Not only does this week conclude the flying portion of C’s UPT journey, but we have also arrived at Assignment Night for his classmates. No more wondering about the future – as of Friday, the students of C’s class will know what their airborne destinies hold.

And, I am happy to report, we will not be holding this important rite of passage in a cornfield like I had feared throughout the past two weeks. You see, about two weeks ago, the date was changed. Not such a big deal (unless you were a family member with plane tickets or requested time off). But, of course, the changes couldn’t end with a simple switcheroo of the calendar. Instead, the scheduled facility was already booked for the new date, sending the class members into a tailspin of brainstorming (no pun intended). Every suggested venue was shot down by booking, personnel, or other logistics, so that as of last week, the poor lieutenants were all ready to receive their assignments, with no place to do so. But hooray! A venue has finally emerged and promises to hold a night of much rejoicing and the potential to create an Assignment Night for the record books.

And so the countdown begins (or continues)…4 days until Assignment Night; 18 days until graduation. Life is sweet.

Innocence

Despite living and breathing all things pilot training for the last year, our lives have continued to progress in other arenas as well. We’ve all celebrated birthdays, gotten haircuts, had the flu…normal stuff. Today, however, was a big milestone in the life of our family: the first day of kindergarten.

These days, it seems that the beginning of school is routinely associated with a certain loss of innocence; parents are no longer the most influential people in a child’s life and friends take on a much greater significance. As a teacher (on hiatus), I’ve witnessed firsthand the “mature” experiences of today’s child and the rapid progression from baby to teenager – kids seem to be in such a hurry to grow up. I’ll never forget the day one of my sixth grade students asked me what brand of mascara I use.

This short-lived childhood and the inevitable loss of control (someone else is responsible for keeping my kid safe during the day) are the things that scare me the most as a mother. But, as I looked into the eager (and slightly scared) eyes of my little girl this morning, I knew she was ready, even if I was not. The rational side of me knows that this is the turning point not where I lose my little girl, but where the foundation that C and I have laid for her is put to the test.

Groundhog Day

It’s come to my attention that my posts have been rather sparse lately. This is largely due to the fact that very little has changed in UPT-land. In fact, I’m feeling a bit like Bill Murray these days…

C is about halfway through the T-1 program, in the Navigation block (the second of three blocks). He passed his first checkride and has begun flying to outbases. We received the fantastic news on Friday afternoon that the class is no longer on formal release! The flight room has now become less of a prison and more of a refuge.

To help out our very busy men, two of the other class spouses and I have taken on a bit of class fundraising to help cover the costs of assignment night and graduation events. Students are responsible for footing the bill for these events, which can get pretty costly in the end. We have been working with local restaurants to set up fundraising nights to earn a portion of the proceeds.

As it is summer, H and I have been enjoying a lot of quality time together. Most of our days are spent like this:

We love spending evenings and weekends with C, though since the poor guy has been flying like a mad man lately, his evenings sometimes look a lot like this:

Life keeps rolling, even in UPT when it sometimes feels like time has stopped. Actually, it’s amazing how quickly the time has flown as graduation draws nearer and nearer…

The Ultimate in Gated Communities

Among the many choices an incoming UPT family has to make is the decision about where to live: on base or off. I’ve heard this dilemma so many times, I thought I’d devote a blog to it. Honestly, I had no intention of living anywhere but on base, seeing as we are only here for a year, but after being here for about 9 months, I can see why some struggle with the decision.

Pros of Base Living:

• C  Convenience – Even on a small base, we have pretty much everything we need here, without having to ever leave the gates. Actually, there have been weeks where I haven’t left base at all (though those weeks made me a bit stir-crazy). Plus, I get a lot of exercise because everything is within walking distance. Not to mention, we save a ton of money on gas!
• C  Security – Some neighborhoods boast a “gated community”. Mine boasts a gate and guards who carry M-16s. Somehow, I feel pretty safe here.
• C  Instant friends – At first I was a bit bothered by my new home’s proximity to its neighbors, but I soon learned that being so close space-wise, builds relationships much more quickly. The faces become very familiar, the children like another of your own. Whether poolside, at the park, or grilling in the backyard, it’s pretty difficult to feel secluded for long.
• C  Maintenance – On most bases, housing is now contracted out to companies who build, rent, and maintain the homes. This means that if my drain clogs or a tree falls in my yard, maintenance is just a phone call away. With a husband who is preoccupied with all things UPT, it’s pretty nice not to have to worry about those sorts of problems. Even my yard is mowed for me once a week. (Note: Are things necessarily done the way I want them all the time? No. But at least it’s one less thing to worry about.)
• C  Utilities are Included – At least for now, all utilities are included with our BAH. It’s especially nice during the winter and summer, not having to worry about elevated heated and cooling costs, though we do try not to abuse the resources.
• C  Feeling of Community – Even having only been here less than a year, I am amazed at the camaraderie I’ve witnessed here. From fun base events and opportunities for kids, to coming together during times of tragedy, there are few places that can claim the true spirit of community that exists on a base.

Cons of Base Living:

• D  Security – Yes, this is both a pro and a con. Fortunately I value safety more than I value the ease and timeliness of getting home, but I admit, the occasional delay and random searches are a bit irksome at times. Probably, this is why I avoid leaving base some days.
• D  HOA on Steroids – If you live in a covenanced community, you know what I mean. Everything is regulated – holiday decorations, wall-hangings, pet restrictions – you name it.
• D  What happens to one, happens to all – Much like in an apartment building, if power is lost to one apartment, typically it affects them all. If water is shut down for maintenance, it’s off in the whole community – for as long as it takes to fix it. (This happens surprisingly often!)
• D  Quality of Accommodations – Could we get a nicer home for the same money? Probably. But again, the temporary nature of this assignment really devalues this in my mind. The houses are renovated and fine, at least for the short term.

All in all, minor annoyances included, I would not change our decision to live on base. I feel like the pros definitely outweigh the cons, and regardless, we can do anything for a year!

Delusions of Grandeur

Remember waaayyy back in November when I told you about the 15-day program? (If not, refresh your memory here) It’s back! I’m not sure if I was just deluding myself, but I somehow had it in my mind that Phase 3 might be a little easier on the family life. I thought that maybe a big-boy aircraft meant big-boy treatment. I was mistaken.

C in the T-1 sim - Part of a very full schedule

Don’t get me wrong, hitting the flightline is exciting! C is back in the cockpit where he belongs and flying an aircraft that he really enjoys. But learning a new aircraft, no matter how many you’ve flown, is never an easy task. The T-1 is bigger, has more systems to learn, new checklists, new procedures – it’s basically starting from square one again. Plus, the T-1 is a crew aircraft, meaning a pilot and co-pilot are required for flight, adding an additional teamwork component that they didn’t experience in T-6s. With all of the “newness” comes the need for hours upon hours of studying, which means we are back to that familiar schedule of seeing C only for dinner and the much-cherished Friday nights and Saturdays.

Rumor has it that the schedule starts to even out once the students are more comfortable with the plane and the proper amount of “hazing” has been accomplished. Only time will tell…

Cohabitating with the Invisible Man

My husband still lives with me…I think. You see, these days it’s hard to tell. Sometimes I’ll catch a glimpse of him as he inhales his dinner or brushes his teeth. Otherwise, he’s mostly invisible.

The Invisible Man

To make up for the inclement weather last month, the students are working non-stop this month. This means long hours and weekend flying. They are double- and triple-turning (flights and sims back to back) most days, leading to late nights studying and overwhelming exhaustion.

The good news is, as of this Monday, C’s flight is on “informal release”. As previously mentioned, “formal release” means that they didn’t get to leave the flight room during the day. Now, if they are not scheduled for an event (flight, sim, class, etc.), they have the freedom to leave, as long as they are in the flight room at the beginning of each “step” (each round of flights – 3 per day, typically) and for the formal brief in the morning. While the jam-packed schedule doesn’t leave a lot of time to pursue that freedom at present, it’s nice to know that sometime soon we might get to have lunch together or he can study at home instead of in the flight room, putting us at least in the same room together.

Of course, all this hard work means that C is progressing through pilot training at lightning speed. In the past two weeks he has had (and passed) his final contact checkride, gotten about 90% of the way through instrument training (checkride next week), and completed his cross country flight and night flight requirements.

 

C’s cross country flight was this past weekend. It’s typically one of the highlights of the T-6 program, 1) because it’s something different, and 2) because usually they go some place fun. C and his instructor, along with a small group of other students and instructors, flew to Phoenix for the first night and Denver for the second. The flights went well, minus a small electrical problem, and C came home to begin another busy week.

I’d love to report that calmer waters are on the horizon, but with spring weather taking hold, it looks like our winter reprieve is over for now.

A Heart Full of Sorrow

I witnessed something both tragic and amazing this week. My neighbors on base went through the most heart-wrenching tragedy. I cannot imagine a pain more relentless than what they are facing now. While on one hand, my heart breaks for them, it also swells at the outpouring of support that instantaneously appeared from the base community.

Recently, I took on a couple of new roles on base. I have become an officer for the Student Spouse Group (a social group that empowers student spouses to come together) and, in turn, a “key spouse”. Key spouses are found on every base throughout the country and are representative of a particular population (I, with my two other comrades, represent the student spouses). Basically, we are the Yellow Pages for our community: We offer support for spouses and we can direct them to additional resources should the need arise.

Because of these new roles, when tragedy struck, I was fielding phone calls and e-mails from concerned families before the lights and sirens had left my street. People who have never met my neighbors were crying for them and offering selfless acts of kindness, from meal delivery to babysitting. People have stopped me at the commissary and the pet store asking, “What can I do?”

This community has shown its true colors this week. As someone who is still fairly new to military life, this was not what I expected, but I am so proud to be a part of it. Society at large has something to learn from this family we call the Air Force. 

Bird on a Wire

Birds migrate. This is certainly no big secret. What I didn’t fully comprehend was that, in moving to the southern regions of the U.S., birds migrate HERE. They’re everywhere! From the power lines, to the plentiful harvested fields, and of course, in the air.  The presence of so many feathered creatures not only provides endless entertainment/angst for my dog,

but also causeed the Air Force to develop such terms as: Bird Severe. Naturally, birds and jet engines are not the best combination, but the migration effect is so out of control that the phenomenon has been titled as an actual flight condition (much like weather) that halts or redirects flights.

"Bird Severe"

So, during the winter months of pilot training, not only do students contend with snow, ice, and bone-freezing temperatures, they also are on constant alert for flocks so large they more resemble a black storm cloud. 

Downward Dog and Other Perks

There are many things to get used to living on an Air Force base for the first time, but I’m beginning to learn that there are plenty of perks as well. I rarely drive, and when I do, a tank of gas can last for weeks. The commissary and Bx are across the street and are tax-free. (Also really cost-effective!) The library is also within walking distance and, though small, the librarians are friendly and even pull books aside for me when my favorites come in. The park is just a walking path away and a favorite of H’s. I love the proximity of friends and the built in support network of spouses.

We love the base park!

One of the services that I’ve come to value the most is the fee-free base gym. My friend, M, and I have made fitness one of our goals during pilot training and have been taking advantage of the facilities and classes available to us. We started in our comfort zone with cardio machines and weights, but this week we decided to give the Monday morning yoga class a shot. Despite now having muscles that feel like they’ve been pulled behind a truck, the class was fun, effective, and best of all – FREE! I may not have mastered downward dog yet, but I think I’ll be giving it another try soon.

Okay, so this isn't me (as if I would post myself doing this pose!), but it COULD be
Picture: alaskaartguild.com/Yoga

M and I have the good fortune to be going back to the same base together after pilot training, so I’m thrilled to have her as a constant, but I’m also nervous about the prospect of losing the camaraderie and convenience of base life. Where will I connect with other spouses? How will I afford groceries? How will I stay in shape? Yet as these questions haunt me, I also remember that we have nearly a year left to go, so these luxuries remain mine and my fears can linger for another day.

No More Monkeys Jumping on the Couch

Last night I went into forbidden territory, the restricted area, the inner sanctum: into the flight rooms (by invitation, of course). C’s squadron held an orientation for student spouses (all 5 of us) to give us a glimpse into what our loved ones face while they’re away from us. I had a chance to meet several instructors as well as the squadron and flight commanders and their wives. It was a good chance to put faces with names and actually meet the people responsible for my husband’s long absences. It was also nice to see the room where C spends so much time, complete with the couch on which students are not allowed to sit – a comfortable seat is a privilege to be earned – and the flight mascot: a python.

They put together a presentation – PowerPoint, I know, you’re shocked – detailing a “day in the life” of a JSUPT student. Here’s the gist: Upon a bright and early arrival, students are not allowed to enter their flight rooms until precisely the appointed time. Once admitted, they start the morning with a formal brief to discuss the weather, runways, and other pertinent information for the day. This transitions into “stand-up” - an oral emergency procedures quiz – and shotgun questions pertaining to any and all relevant aircraft information.  If scheduled for a morning flight or sim, they would then proceed to the preflight brief, flight, and debrief, taking about 3-4 hours for the whole process. They have academics or CAIs scheduled intermittently, various other duties, and infinite studying. These tasks can occur in any order and, while they currently can only be scheduled for one actual flight per day (that will change after solo), they could have both a flight and a sim on the same day. Each flight (or sim) is its own lesson, taking ample preparation. The last 10-15 minutes going over the highlights (and screw-ups) and learning moments of the day. Twelve hours after they began, they’re then formally released to go home and do it all again the next day.

It was actually pretty informative to hear C’s day summarized like that. I also learned that I, as a spouse, am allowed the occasional trespass to do nice things like bring C lunch, but it was also pretty clear that he may or may not have time to eat it.

Here at home, we’ve also fallen into a routine of sorts, albeit, not a very satisfying one. C gets home around 7:00, we eat dinner together (I’ve been doing a lot of crock pot meals since I’m never sure exactly when he’ll get home), he heads into “the cave” (his office) and I get H ready for bed.

This is how C spends his evenings

And this is how the dog spends her evenings

I’m usually asleep or reading by the time he joins me around 11:00 and he falls asleep almost instantly. C leaves in the morning before either of us is awake and we start the routine all over again. Friday nights and Saturdays are, by far, the best part of our week.

Good and Bad are Perpetual Companions

The anticipated dreaded exciting big day has arrived: Day 1 of the “15-day program”. What does this signify? Well, for starters, the exodus of my husband…but also, it means it’s C’s first day on the flight line! He is thrilled to be back in the cockpit for his dollar ride today. As a longtime pilot, he’s itching to get up in the air again after so long a hiatus from flying. The daily grind of the program also begins today, meaning he’ll finally get into a steady routine that he can get used to – something he’s been looking forward to.

With the good, of course comes the not-so good. As of today, C is on formal release. This means 12-hour days every day for the first few weeks (or months). So if his first scheduled activity for the day is at 0800, guess what time he gets home? That’s right math whizzes: 2000 (aka 8:00 p.m.). In between scheduled trainings (be they flights or sims or classes) he stays in the flight room, buried in books and study materials. When he gets home, it’s more of the same – a quick bite to eat, a kiss for the wife and kid, and back to the books.

Obviously, the schedule is a hectic one. I’m already starting to see his eyes swirling with the heaps of information being thrown at him. Yesterday, he compared his day to being doused with a fire hose from three different directions. I’m not sure which one of us has been more anxious for both the beginning and ending of the 15-day program. Even when H and I are missing him though, we’ll look up in the sky and know that one of those planes we see might just be him and that he’s one day closer to becoming a USAF pilot!

Okay, so this isn't actually C's flight - but the point is it COULD HAVE been
Thanks to K for the great picture!

A Storage Unit Full of Optimism

When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

Franklin D. Roosevelt

Some days are tougher than others. This is the first training that I’ve attended with C and sometimes I’m not sure if H and I are more of a burden or a help – are we one more thing to juggle or a built-in support system? On the tough days, I know that I’m right where I should be.

C is still doing excellent in ground school. He continues to excel on his tests and is thriving in the sim. But some days the magnitude of it all settles in and is simply overwhelming. He has so much to accomplish in the coming months that sometimes it feels like there’s no good place to start.

C in his "study chair"

So what can I do during these moments? I reach for my key and unlock my internal storage unit, brimming with optimism. Sometimes we all just need to be told we’re on the right track and remember that we have a fan club of our very own. I may not be able to create more hours in the day or memorize endless amounts of information for him, but I can remind C why he’s here and how hard he’s worked to get here. Sometimes a simple “I’m proud of you” is all it takes.

“Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.” 
Abraham Lincoln

Like a Concert in my Living Room

Living on an Air Force base requires you to become desensitized to a cacophony of sounds. Of course there is the ever-present roar of jets as they soar by – three different aircraft means three distinct sounds. Morning is, by far, the most raucous time of day when all of the engines are starting up at once and the aircraft line up for their turn on the runway. The rest of the day is a symphony of jet noise, but I find it goes largely unnoticed once you’re used to it.

Another din we’ve been introduced to is the far more clamorous on-base shooting range where security forces hone their skills. Perhaps I just haven’t noticed its use during the day, but the percussion-like thunder is more than obvious in the early morning and late night hours.

There is one melodious sound that occurs, literally, like clockwork three times a day. The reverberation of reveille, retreat, and lights out is like the toll of the dusty, old grandfather clock that keeps time in your home. At 7:00 a.m. sharp, the flag is raised and honored by the buoyant tune of reveille.  At 17:00, the flag is retired for the day to the refrain of the Star Spangled Banner. During both of these occasions, those who are outdoors must stop what they’re doing and acknowledge the flag (military members in uniform must salute; civilians and members out of uniform stand at attention) and those who are driving on base must pull over and stop. I was somewhat unprepared for these ceremonies when I moved here, but I’ve come to think of them as 1) a good source of time keeping, and 2) a good reminder about why we’re here - C’s job will be to protect the freedom that our flag signifies and that makes me proud. The final ritual of the day is the playing of Taps at 21:00. The intended purpose is to signify the beginning of “lights out” or “quiet hours”, but I also think it’s a good time to remember those who have been lost or are missing.  Personally, the song always reminds me of my veteran grandpa’s funeral and gives me a chance to think about him.

Your location on base determines exactly how much resonance you’re going to encounter. For example, the jet engines are much louder, of course, as we walk to preschool in the morning since we are walking towards the flight line. In our house, with the doors and windows closed, you can barely hear reveille and retreat unless you’re listening for it. But, the closer your home is to one of the loud-speakers, the more noticeable it becomes. Much like the “smell of jet fuel in the morning” (which is truer than I realized), the base’s daily chorus is just another feature to which I am becoming accustomed. 

No Need for Kumbaya

Don’t worry…the parachute blog is still to come, but first, another update.

Today I spent my morning at a spouse’s meeting called Heartlink. At first I was afraid of being cajoled into uncomfortable icebreakers and touchy-feely mentoring (not really my thing), but I was pleased to discover that it was really just an informative gathering for new military spouses. We learned about the resources available on base and got some great pointers from veteran wives.

A few things I learned:

• ¶  Air force bases abound with resources!  We were visited by practically every service-oriented department on base, from the base chaplain to the manager of the commissary. I learned about three different forms of confidential counseling, two different spouses clubs, and countless people whose job it is to make my life easier. Who knew?
  ¶  There is something good about every station. I listened to other wives who have followed their military men all over the country (and sometimes out of the country) and they seemed so satisfied with their lives. They had a fond memory of every base, from Alamogordo, NM to Anchorage, AK, even if it wasn’t their ideal location.
  ¶  My career doesn’t end when my husband’s begins. These same ladies who have followed their husbands’ careers for the last decade or two, in no way seemed dissatisfied with their own lives. They were able to achieve their career goals, start and raise families, and support their husbands along the way – which they said was more of a source of pride than anything else.
  ¶  It’s okay to ask questions. From the various speakers to the other wives in the room, everyone I met was very supportive and willing to share their wisdom. It seems as though Air force wives are a family unto themselves, whose main goal is simply to make life easier for each other. There was no question too simple or complex.

While it was very useful to find out about the resources available to me, I think the most rewarding experience of the morning was feeling, for the first time, like I am part of a larger community. There are other people around here to support my family with the changes we’re facing and potential friends to be made. They may not be in the exact position that I’m in, but they share the discomfort of the unknown all the same. We don’t have to hold hands and sing Kumbaya to share that bond.

Age is Just a Number, Right?

Today I broach a sensitive issue: age. At first I wanted to keep my thoughts to myself on this one, but then I remembered that I’m hoping to help people with this blog and maybe one day someone will face the same issue that I am facing.

As previously mentioned, before coming to pilot training I was a teacher. At the schools I’ve worked at, I’ve always been the “baby”, finishing grad school and going right into the classroom, making me younger than most of my colleagues. It never seemed to be an issue, except in jest. Coming here put me in a very different position. I am, literally, the oldest person I know.

Perhaps I’m more sensitive to this issue than I might have been were it a different year, but as it happens, this year I’ll be climbing the big 3-0 hill. A friend of mine (you know who you are, Rainbow-Head) battled this numeric milestone a couple of months ago and I remember teasing him, “You’re not old; you’re experienced!” While I may have had a valid point, it is a little hard not to feel like the oldie on the block when I’m surrounded by 23 year-olds, fresh from college. Sometimes I fear that I won’t have anything in common with anyone.

Don’t get me wrong, the people I’ve met so far have been great! I’m really going to enjoy getting to know them over the coming year. But, that doesn’t help the little nagging voice that reminds me that I’m about the leave my 20s for good.

So, here is my paradigm shift: In the words of Chili Davis, “Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.” I am young! I am the middle of one of the most interesting adventures one could hope to experience and I have endless opportunities lying before me. I get to socialize with great people, learn from them, and hopefully they will learn from me. I have experience to help me act with wisdom and I have goals that are yet to be realized. In short, this is the best time of my life.

The (Not So) Itsy Bitsy Spider

There is one inhabitant of our new hometown of which I am NOT a fan: Mr. Spider. Spiders are in such overabundance in this region that on C’s second day here, they were the subject of an entire briefing (and yes, the requisite PowerPoint). There are a variety of 8-legged little terrors around here, ranging from the finger-tip sized guy who greets me in my bathroom, to the nickel-sized monster who was hanging outside my kitchen window this morning.

I think I've identified this one as a wolf spider

But none is more sheet-shaking, clothes-checking, terror-inducing than the brown recluse. 

Apparently this little sucker’s venom eats away at your skin and can cause lesions and flu-like symptoms. What fun!

The day after C’s heart-warming briefing, I got a bug bite above my heel. Unlike my normal reaction (unbearable itching, like most people), this bite swelled from tiny to monstrous in about a minute and began turning bright red, and then my muscle starting tensing up and my foot went numb. Of course, an overly-informed C was convinced that I had already been the recipient of our local enemy’s charm and “encouraged” me to go to the clinic. The nurse on duty assured me that it was not a brown recluse bite, but I was probably having an allergic reaction to some other insect or spider bite and I should try some Benadryl.

I have never been a fan of spiders (when I was younger, I would make my brother, 10 years my junior, kill any spider within a 10 foot radius of me), so all of this talk of arachnids haunting my personal space has me a wee bit paranoid. I compulsively check my sheets and hanging clothes before I crawl between them and have even taken to shaking out my towel both before and after I shower. I am looking forward to the day when we can coexist in harmony. Either that, or I’ll continue to count the days until the next visit from the exterminator and kiss my little foes good-bye. 

A Lesson from Popeye

Since becoming a mother, I have wanted nothing more than to be able to stay home and raise my little girl. My career has always been very important to me – in fact, teaching was my lifelong dream – and I never thought that I would want to give it up, even temporarily. Motherhood lends a new perspective to everything.

This year, I’m getting my wish. A year+ of pilot training (that happens to not match up with a school year) and the cost efficiency of base living provide the perfect opportunity to allow me to stay home with H. I couldn’t be happier to finally be able to have a schedule that allows for preschool and mommy-daughter days. I think it will be a terrific experience for both of us.

Loving our Mommy-daughter time

It’s funny how we tend to define ourselves by our careers. I wasn’t quite prepared for the loss of identity that came with my decision to stay home. For the last seven years I haven’t been just me, I’ve been a teacher. Other titles follow suit – wife, mother, daughter – but my entire being was wrapped up in being a teacher, much like C is a pilot at heart. (Think about when you introduce someone: “This is Bob. He’s a [fill in the blank].” It’s how our society operates.) So I began to ask myself: who am I now?

The answer came by focusing on my goals and what I want to accomplish during this year that I have been blessed with. 1) I want to spend as much time with my daughter as possible, doing all the things we couldn’t do while I was working. (That includes enrolling her in preschool since all of the preschools we’ve encountered have had irregular, non-work-friendly hours) 2) I want to get back in shape. 3) I want to finish the book I’ve been writing for the past few years and try to get it published.

While these goals gave me a pretty clear-cut path on how to spend my days, they still didn’t provide me with the “title” I seemed to be craving. That’s when I figured it out: Why do I need to define myself with a title? Why do any of us?  Why can’t we just be ourselves and do the things we love to do and accomplish our goals without being defined as something. I am a mother, but that is only one of many ways that I am identified. I don’t have to label myself a “fitness guru” in order to make the gym a part of my routine. I don’t have to be a “chef” to enjoy cooking. In the words of Popeye the Sailorman, “I yam what I yam and that’s all that I yam." 

From tvtropes.org

School is Candy for the Brain

In addition to the transition into our new home and state, we’ve been preparing our daughter (H) for one more big change: preschool. As a teacher, education tops my priority list, so I’ve been trying to make school sound fun and exciting for the last few months, almost as a reward for our big move. (“When we get to our new house, you get to go to school!”) With a daughter as timid as ours, C and I have approached the first day of school with a bit of inner trepidation, however. H shies away from family and friends on a regular basis, let alone complete strangers who definitely aren’t her mommy. She is the type that often gets overlooked in social situations because she is so quiet and attentive and not boisterously clamoring for attention.

We’ve decided to walk to school each morning (weather permitting), which H views as a kind of treat. We took a tour of the school, walk by the playground almost every day, and have really been talking up what great fun school is. (“Mommy liked school so much, she goes there for her job!”) So yesterday, H was dressed in her favorite cute outfit, strapped in to her panda backpack (not that she needed it – it’s just part of the school “package” for her), and bouncing in her metallic pink tennies, bursting with excitement. 

I was hopeful that we would get through the morning without tears. As we walked, she grasped my hand gradually tighter, until we got to the entrance and she threatened to cut off my blood supply. Still no tears though. The moment we walked through the threshold to her classroom the excitement was replaced with utter apprehension. Tears – lots of them – and “I want my mommy!” followed. Of course, I had to hold back my own tears as I tried not to berate myself for leaving her or think about how quickly the years have gone. I left her in the care of her very capable teacher, asking her to please call if the tears didn’t stop soon - usually it’s out of sight, out of mind with her.  Fortunately this held true and no phone calls were necessary.

Just before lunch, I came back to pick her up, as promised. Whether it was from thinking I wouldn’t return or just because she thinks I’m a sucker, H immediately burst into tears again. Her teacher assured me that she had had a good day – though a bit shy, she participated and had fun. We celebrated with a trip to McD’s and a full discussion of her day. After a while, I felt confident that school had not been torture and we might even try it again.

And guess what? No tears today – only smiles.